Monday, December 05, 2011


This is not my usual post, so if you don't want to be depressed, don't read it.

I was all geared up for writing this post and not caring who was offended but am thinking better of it....may change my mind as I go but I do want to talk about expectations and not just any, but those we impose on others.

Do we place unfair expectations on those we love? How do we communicate what those expectations are or do we just assume they know what they are? It's a dilemma. We want to do the right thing and think we are then bam!!! out of no where comes this accusation that we are bad. Most of the time I don't have a bad bone in my body and DH doesn't either, so where does it come from. Frustration? Past experience? It's not even about them, which is sad. I was fighting mad (crying actually) earlier and I don't get mad too often but now I just feel sorry for them and us. So, I sit here with tears, of not just frustration but of loss. How do we communicate what we want without being thought of as greedy, bold, heartless, aggressive or just plain rude? At this point, I would say that communication would have gotten you everywhere and I wouldn't be sitting here writing this crying and being frustrated.

There will be words. I'm sure more words then either of us want to hear and more tears.... mine of course because I don't think they cry.... I take that back (still a little mad), I'm sure they do, but why would they want to cause hurt. Of course, it comes back to that EXPECTATION, one that we don't know about. We would never say you are terrible or you are bad at (whatever you do) because we love you no matter what you do or say.

Now it appears that we have lost you, given up on a relationship and now that frustration and sadness has turned into sorrow, mine because DH has given up. We will never have that friendship, relationship, family love and support that we once had and not only is it because of expectations but now it due to lack of communication.

I do hope they have a Merry Christmas because I doubt we will see them. I do find that the holidays are always more stressful. Maybe that's all it is, but somehow I think it goes deeper than that and that's something none of us can fix.

So, if you have gotten to the bottom of this post, then the message must of meant something to you or you want to make sure we are okay... Well, we are okay and I'll be better tomorrow but today I will feel sorry for myself and those I love and for the loss of something we probably won't have in the future.


  1. Be strong, Dana...and know you have friends out here who care about you. I care & I hope all works out for the best for you.

  2. Oh my, that sounds not good, hopefully things work out for all of you.

  3. I have lived thru what u are living thru. I've had to live with unfair expectations placed on me from my birth father. Sadly, he's no longer in my life... i made that choice.. all I ever got fr him was judgement and condemnation and when I tried to communicate with him.. he just didn't listen. he didn't hear me.. he was already thinking of what he should say so i could hear him.. so frustrating. It's been over 9 years since I've seen him, and honestly.. my life has been happier and more at peace without him. With some ppl, you must make boundaries.. for your well being and your sanity.. remember this, no one has the right to make you feel inferior without your consent. NO ONE, family or not.. xo hugs to you. bonitarose



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